I love this video. God does sustain us doesn't He? Maybe not in the way we wish for but He sees us through in a very special way that we fail to see in our pain. One thing about losing a child, you learn who your true friends are. It's funny how some people you thought were so close disappear in this darkest hour and a surprise sometimes who stands by your side...our angels. I know I've felt very alone through this BUT I can say that in the truly darkest hours someone has been there. My husband will go out of his way for me or a friend will text me a just the right time with just the right words not even realizing they have been used by God.
Then there is the sweet woman from Illinois who I don't even know who has walked me through this entire past year from the very start. With books and music cd's with just the right songs always arriving at just the right time.
Most astounding to me was shortly after Andy's death when I went away to Florida for a week by doctor's suggestion. I went to Panama City Beach for some reason. I don't know why really because my only other time there I absolutely hated the place but something just drew me there. Well it was college spring break but oddly enough it wasn't wild and crazy. In fact there was a rather large group of kids from a Christian college, I believe they said from North Carolina or maybe that was where one of the students was from? I'm not sure. And they were evangelizing, something I am admittedly very critical of. I feel more often than not people jump in meaning to do well but chase people away instead. Not these kids. They were wonderful! Not pushy, not preachy, not judgemental. The strange thing was every single time I had a difficult moment starting...usually by a "why? " thought one would show up (even at 2:30am on the beach! NOT DRUNK) and they would just ask if they could talk to me and I'd say sure and every single time they BOOM directly answered my question and put my mind at ease. The one in the middle of the night was like talking to Andy for over 2 hours in someone Else's body! I didn't ASK my question mind you...they just answered it. And there was also one older man on the beach one particularly hard morning..same thing. The odd thing about him is he just disappeared. You know how you hear those stories about he started walking one way down the beach and me the other and when I turned around he was just gone..no where he could have disappeared to that quickly. The last thing he has said to me was if I needed to talk some more just call his name and he would be right down the beach and he'd hear me.
Do I wish He would give my son back to me? YES! Or at very least, knowing my son is in paradise I wish He would take away the pain completely. He hasn't done that by any means but as the song says in the darkest hours...yes I do believe there are angels among us.
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