It's been over 7 months now since Andy went home and left me here to walk this Earth without him. I chose the picture I did to open this blog for a purpose as painful as it is. I look at Andy's pictures every day nnd all can think of is HOW and WHY? Lately I've sat and looked at the people around me, from newborns to the elderly and been both in awe at the miracle of life and angry "why are these people alive and my Andy not?" I see them laughing and smiling and realize that they have not a clue just how fragile their very being is. I think about how each one of them has a story, even the newborns and a story yet to unfold that they probably don't even give a second thought to. A life story that is for the most part, out of their hands. Sure they have their free will to make choices but so does each and every other person on this Earth and every choice effects someone else whether we are aware of it or not. What may seem like the simplest of kind gestures to one may mean the world to another and what may be well intended but poorly thought out can tear an other's heart apart. It shines light great and bright on why forgiveness, compassion, refraining from judging another are repeated over and over in the Bible and most Holy Books. We are perfectly human, capable of love but incapable of loving everyone completely and without flaw. In other words even when our hearts are in the right place we are going to hurt others along the way. We can only hope that they will extend us those gifts. Admittedly sometimes that can be very difficult. But for Christians (my belief, therefore the only one I can truly speak for) we have already been extended that gift in it's greatest form from Jesus. Realizing that others are just as human as we are and going to make mistakes, even intentional ones because they think differently, have lived a different life, been taught differently...any number of circumstances can cause this is so important.
I personally think that a key that many books and sermon's leave out when it comes to forgiveness is love. It takes love to forgive and love is a gift we give it is not or should not be conditional or earned (agape love) . "Love covers a multitude of sins" "Love your neighbor as yourself" "..The greatest of these is love". While I am no Bible Scholar, when I try to recall what I have read in the Gospels it seems to me they are a guide for us on how WE SHOULD LIVE OUR OWN LIVES not how we should try and change others, aside from being the best example of God's love that we can be. We are even told to "love our enemies" We are told if we have a grievance with someone to tell them. That puts the ball in their court so to speak and that's the best we can do and then let it go. At that point they know they have hurt you, if by chance they didn't realize it, and they can make their choice to set things right or not. Loving and forgiving does not mean that they will not face the consequences of their actions or that we must continue in the hurtful or abusive relationship. It means we realize they are human too and will make mistakes just like us, it means we will not close the door. And the difficult part is understanding the difference between justice and revenge and that we can rest in knowing justice will hopefully be served but vengeance most definitely will...BY GOD.
Let's look at an extreme case, say a man has murdered your child, you can bring him before the courts for justice. You can have your chance to let him know the hurt he has imposed upon you and your family. NOTHING he can do will take that pain away, I can tell you that right now. But he has a choice in his actions, he can admit to his wrong doings and apologize and do what justice calls for to serve his penance or he can show no remorse at all. (Keep in mind only God knows what is going on in his heart) At this point you must let it go. If it helps try to imagine what in his life might have led him to make such choices, sometimes this helps us sympathize. At which point you might find yourself pitying the person because the punishment he will face from God is so much far greater than anything you could have even imagined imposing upon him, especially had he shown remorse. Even if he comes to know God before his time here on Earth is done and he is allowed into the Kingdom of Heaven the guilt and shame he will face and live with from the time he is saved til he goes home I would imagine would be so extreme as to be enough punishment in and of itself.
What about when it's God we are angry with? How could God allow my loved one to suffer and die from this.....? This one I can answer from experience! God is our example! He understands our pain and is compassionate and though day after day I may be angry God is still there saying "I understand and I'm so sorry you are hurting" and He tries to put people in our lives to help us through our grief. People who will be His arms to hug me, strangers who will say just the right thing out of the blue with no knowledge that they are being used as His messenger. And He doesn't give up. God never says "Look I said I was sorry what more do you want!" Sometimes it's hard to see all He is doing to try and comfort us because our pain is so great and He even understands that. And the greatest part is He is caring for our loved one as Royalty, as the son/daughter of a King that they are and promises us that He will reunite us with them and treat us the same way in time. Really, when I think about it, God is taking the heat for Satan just to help us and comfort us even when we are being angry towards Him because it is written that it is God's will that NONE shall perish but rather all shall have ever lasting life. How much more loving can one get?
You might be saying "He could have saved my child and then none of this would even be an issue". I know that's what I am thinking but then I picture my son being treated as a prince, no pain, no sorrow...in paradise. I can't even picture paradise! If God had asked me first would I have denied my son that for my own comfort of having him with me? How selfish would that have been? My only lingering question is was my son ready to move on? I can't answer that. Would you be? If given the choice between continuing life here on Earth in our imperfect society, in pain or eternal life in paradise treated as royalty with Our Lord Jesus and loved ones and knowing that our other loved ones will be joining us in the blink of an eye....what would you choose?
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