Any more when I sit down at this keyboard I'm flooded with memories. When I try to find the words to begin let alone a topic, the words just don't come. Do I miss my son? Every minute of every day. That deep longing ache is still ever present as well. So much has changed.
Have I gained any words of wisdom? I can tell you some things I've learned but ultimately we all just want to know WHY? and HOW DO I SURVIVE THIS? I have my theories on the first but that's all they are-theories. Does it really matter though? Or is that question merely eating you up inside?. As for the second? You do what you have to do to keep your head above water every minute of every day until that day comes when it becomes habit to live again. Don't try to rush yourself because guess what? You can't. Your relationships will change and you will lose people you never thought would walk away. BUT some relationships will grow stronger than you ever imagined they could. AND you'll make new ones. These are all I can assure you. Beyond that our walks are all unique...some choose to return to work and stay occupied there while others need a leave of absence to process and redefine all that "is" in their lives, Some need lots of people around while others need more solitude. Some cry a lot while others might seem almost stoic. The point is there is not a right or wrong way to grieve the loss of your child....you just have to keep your head above water, And when all those people are trying to tell you how you should "be", step back and ask yourself one question...have they been through it? Chances are highly likely they haven't, so how would they know what is best?????
You'll survive. We'll get through this together. Just have to keep your head above water and learn to surf those waves...
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