The Road Traveled Thus Far

They say we have no choice but "process" thru I believe
Five stages of grief.  Some take longer than others, some we get stuck in and continue to return to and repeat. 
I've just been reading some of my posts from the past.  I tend to put my feelings out here and try to leave them.  This is my first time reviewing my own words and I guess the social and behavioral sciences major in me is coming out because I'm surprised to recognize some of the stages in my own walk.
I also was a bit taken aback at how angry I've become.  I really don't like seeing that.  Hopefully I'm correct when I say it feels as if a change is afoot.  Although to what I don't know. 
So much has changed.  Are they permanent changes?  Were they necessary in order for me/us to cope?  I suspect so.  But how many of these will have to remain?  I honestly don't know. 
I feel as a family we've hit an all time low but we've hit it together and that's what matters most.  And this low isn't totally due to losing Andy.  I'm facing the worst illness in the worst of circumstances ever.  This is seriously kicking my butt though and I'm more or less without a doctor but waiting for an appointment with the Cleveland clinic and a specialist here in town.  Although through recent information I'm afraid she's the wrong kind of specialist and we simply don't have the money to keep grasping at straws.  Its incredibly scary having to decide what to do!  The wrong decision could cost me my life if I am correct, and a friend going through the same is correct.  But if we're wrong we can't financially afford that.  I could really use your prayers and some guidance from up there in Heaven!  As much as I love and miss everyone I'm really not ready to join you yet.  I'm not finished here!
Looking back I never would have thought I would have been saying that again.  Only by the Grace of God....