It's one of those Breath and hope you make it through it weekends. I really wish I could write a brilliant blog here on grieving the death of your child and how to survive it. I wish I could give you lots of useful tips that would take your pain away. If I ever find those tips I will share them believe me but so far there is none. We just have to choose to survive it or not and push through as painful as it gets keep pushing. You have to be selfish to an extent and shut out those who try to tell you you're doing it "wrong" or "should be over it by now" etc. I can tell you I've not met any parent who has gotten over the death of their child, just some who learn to handle it a bit more gracefully, for lack of a better word, in public. We all face the same giant demon. We all seem to handle it similarly but none exactly the same. You do what you have to do, what feels right to you. I would suggest finding a support group or others going through the same (unfortunately that isn't very hard to do). NOBODY truly understands this loss like another parent who is going through it as well. I personally have one sister and my in-laws who come very close who I'm very thankful for. My sister to seems know what she doesn't understand she understands that she couldn't possibly understand and that means so much.
For me personally, we still live in the same home my son passed in so I need to get away often. I've found places that offer the lowest rates for "vacations" (ha, I'd make a great travel agent now!) and I've purchased a recumbent bike, one that I can ride that doesn't hurt my muscles and I am on it as often as I can. The bike has been a Godsend! It's healthy and I've discovered bike trails are everywhere. Well, except that my state ranks 42nd in providing good bike trails but essentially you can travel the entire US via bike and ride primarily safe from traffic on greenways and rail trails. Giving me the opportunity to think or completely clear my mind of everything and simply take in the scenery that you just don't see from a car. I now want to see as much of the world from my bike as I can. If I have to live on this earth without my son then I want to make the most out of every single moment so when I see my son again I can tell him about all this Earth was about, meet as many people as I can and listen to their stories find out how much all of us are alike and where our differences are. And in the process talk about my children, in that way my son will live on (at least in my mind.) He definitely will if I'm able to write a book about my travels which I hope to get to do.
Still none of this makes these days like his birthday, holidays and especially Mother's Day since I've also lost my mother any easier. So I'm sending out ton's of virtual (((HUGS))) to all the other grieving parents out there who are facing the same situation this weekend. Just take a deep breath and be easy on yourself. Remember you are no less a mom now than you were just because you're baby is with the Lord. You still carried and loved that baby and you will forever be a mom. God Bless and Happy Mother's Day...
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