Mother's Day

I'm not sure what to do with myself this holiday.  I'm in a hurricane of feelings but these days I don't think anyone cares.  I guess others can get over the most important people in your life during and suddenly  just being gone but mothers day reminds me that BOTH  my son and mother are gone.  Its a very difficult time and I feel like I don't dare talk about how I'm missing them or how badly I'm hurting.  I've recently been told I'm selfish and that one girl hasn't visited since my son's death "because I'm making bit all about me". I'd ask her one question- having not been to the viewing or his funeral or around me at all, how would you know how I'm handling his passing?

Andy Hensley's 23rd Birthday Memorial

NO GOODBYE

How would you feel

if you were told to make your heart let go?

not let it show?

don't let other's know

the pain is still there

very much alive

inside?

Why am I

responsible for their comfort

when it's my son who died?

Live a lie

so they can go by

their daily lives

like nothing ever happened?

I want to scream

HE LIVED!

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HIM ALREADY?

NOT I.

NEVER COULD I.

I cannot live THAT lie.

I miss him

every day

every hour

 every second that goes by...

THAT'S MY LIFE.

And I cry

For the life he was denied.

I can't nor do I want to hold it all inside.

My son has died!

No Goodbye.

If that is something

you think you could survive

and not suffer the rest of your life?

Bully for you!

That's you!

Not I!

I pray you never have to try..



I BELIEVE

 

 

 

OF COURSE I'M HAPPY

I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY

AND YES I TRULY BELIEVE THIS

BUT THIS DOES NOTHING

TO LESSEN THE PAIN

OF EVERTHING ABOUT YOU

THAT I MISS.



Andy's spring 2014 flowers

LOST

This is a tough one.  I've started on a ride in Florida for THE WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT  and had a lot of time to think.  On this ride I've missed my family more than ever.

I think my healing might finally be progressing.  I think 2 things have been happening- I've been running away from the familiar that was/is too painful without Andy in it and I've been trying to replace what I was missing which is I impossible.

I realize now I have no choice but to face this horrible reality and move forward from here.  GOD HELP ME!

Video

Missing you...In Memory of Andy Hensley