Nothing New

I intend for this to be short.  I'll explain later, unfortunately there's someone who might use some information if I post it to try to hurt me and right now I'm not strong enough to handle that.

Its been rough.  I've been down sick which has left me with a lot of time to just think.  You should have graduated from college, maybe got married, maybe even had a baby by now.  Instead there will be none of that.  There will be no new "happy pictures" of you on my wall.

Acceptance comes a little at a time...probably because that's the only way we can face it.  I love you Amdy-Roo!!

Mother's Day

I'm not sure what to do with myself this holiday.  I'm in a hurricane of feelings but these days I don't think anyone cares.  I guess others can get over the most important people in your life during and suddenly  just being gone but mothers day reminds me that BOTH  my son and mother are gone.  Its a very difficult time and I feel like I don't dare talk about how I'm missing them or how badly I'm hurting.  I've recently been told I'm selfish and that one girl hasn't visited since my son's death "because I'm making bit all about me". I'd ask her one question- having not been to the viewing or his funeral or around me at all, how would you know how I'm handling his passing?

LOST

This is a tough one.  I've started on a ride in Florida for THE WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT  and had a lot of time to think.  On this ride I've missed my family more than ever.

I think my healing might finally be progressing.  I think 2 things have been happening- I've been running away from the familiar that was/is too painful without Andy in it and I've been trying to replace what I was missing which is I impossible.

I realize now I have no choice but to face this horrible reality and move forward from here.  GOD HELP ME!