Well, this Saturday it will be four years since God called you home and as I look at your pictures it still seems unreal to me. Today I made yet another one of my stupid memorial video's for you. Yes, I realize they are probably more for me. I'm terrified inside because every time I look through your pictures it hits me harder-there's nothing new. Each time these old photos become more and more familiar. I cherish them yes, of course, without out a doubt! But oh how I want so badly to see something new, something just taken of you.
I want to look back at your college days. You're silly antics. The friends you made. And...graduation day. I want to listen to you recall the memories made and stored within each and every one. I want more memories of you, my son.
Looking at your smiling face, every time I wonder WHY? Four years passed and still I'm not ready to say goodbye.
I want o look at your wedding album and say over and over what a handsome groom your made! And oh how we danced! Look at you looking at your blushing bride! And drank champagne. And hear about your honeymoon and how neither of you can wait to go back again! God, I want more memories of my son!
Looking at your smiling face I think "This can't be! He was so ALIVE!" Not many cherish life and live it to the fullest like you did! No! Four years gone and I still can't say goodbye.
I want to remember how you told me I was going to be a Grandmother, the first ...and the second time! Look at the pictures and recall how she felt so big but looked so small. Pregnancy became her. and look at you! Look at the face when you had not one but two! And look at them! Nana's perfect bundles of joy! One for each arm...YOUR girl and your boy! Remember how she swore that was it, no more! Oh but look at her now...that smile on her face after telling you that you you were going to need to find a bigger place. Baby three would soon be on it's way. I took that picture watching you watch your children play.
But these are it. They're all I have. No new pictures will I ever add. Still, I'm not ready to say goodbye.
