In a conversation today about Andy someone said to me that they don't talk about him much because they don't want people thinking they are having a pitty party. This really bothers me on many levels. One, I felt like a finger was being pointed, implying that by speaking of Andy often
I am having a pitty party, I felt defensive. By speaking of him I'm keeping him alive. Then I thought, whether it be about me or themselves it's sad that we can't just do what comforts us without someone else telling us for whatever reason that it's inappropriate? What is so inappropriate about speaking of a loved one passed? What is self pittying about speaking of them and missing them?
I believe it's yet one step further away God that our society is taking is all. The Bible says to mourn with those who mourn. Biblically they mourned with a passion that by todays standards would have been considered certifiable. They tore at their clothing, the wore sackcloth and rubbed ashes on themselves, they wailed loudly, people came and stayed with the family for weeks cooking and cleaning and....mourning with them. "Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted" The Bible does tell us to go and be with those who are facing a death of a loved one. It tells us to be there for them literally. At no place does it tell us "But you should be over it and move on within 3 weeks or 2 years or ...whatever" It tells us some time periods that were observed in different areas by different groups for different people or civilizations. I will note that when it speaks of parents mourning it says things such as "He mourned for his son
FOR MANY DAYS" and things such as that...basically for a very long time...but not a set period. God knows a parent never "gets over it".
In the Bible "mourning" is depicted as a GOOD thing that shows our love for another..or in some cases for God Himself.
I will pose the question-what's wrong with mourning and all that involves for us personally for as long as it takes? Do these people realize that there is no getting around it? True mourning has phases, phases that must be experienced , sometimes multiple times. Matthew 2:18 Uses the example of a mother mourning for her children "refusing to be comforted" was Rachel having a "pitty party"? It seems God expects that a grieving mother/parent will be inconsolable for "a very long time" yet our society sets time frames and finds it selfish, go figure. I'll say it again, it's just another example of how far we are growing away from God. Yet another thing that makes expressing "relationship" taboo.
Out society today doesn't allow any appropriate time for mourning in my opinion. By the time a family finishes with all the "business" of burying a loved one their "socially acceptable" grieving time is up...time to return to work and pretend everything is back to normal. Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?
Flash your money! Flash your Bling! Flash your fancy clothes, your jewelry, your nice housesm cars etc...flash your THINGS but hide your God given emotions. Hide how you feel about and for one another. Hide your love and while working hard for those things is fine working hard to show compassion, caring and comfort is ...just too time consuming. REALLY? And if you tell me "That's not what was meant.." Then please, do tell! What was meant? We have the scientific data, we have the Bible's words....and then we have todays societies standards which by all means, seem to be pulled from somebody's rear end it clashes with the first two so badly.
More on this later....
