What can I say Boo that hasn't been said? I was here for your 24th year and you weren't. Its not right. It hasn't been since that first January night and well, I'm faithful that one day I'll understand. As I'm sure you already do.
Ahh, Boo things just keep going from bad to worse. I need my voice of reason. I promised you that since you were called home too soon that I would get out there and live more for you. And I was! You know I was! So why this? Why now? God I am so understanding the book of Job more and more clearly week by week. I also understand how you felt. I've all but lost most any faith I had in doctors. We're to trust someone with our lives who won't LISTEN to and trust us when its OUR BODIES and OUR LIVES. Really? I am so sorry I poo pooed your feelings about that. I just had an impossible time believing that but you were right.
God how I wish I could hear that "I told you so" chuckle and whatever smart remark you came up with. I do miss you more than you could imagine.
Happy Birthday Baby...I love you always and forever....Mom
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
DEAR MR PRESIDENT
DEAR MR PRESIDENT,
I only just had the opportunity to watch your speech at the National Prayer Breakfast and as an American and Christian I'm greatly upset. Mr. President while I whole heartedly agree with you that we should all be respectful of each others right to believe however they choose. I know there are good people of most every faith. As a matter of fact ISIS beheaded a young Islamic man from here in Indiana! This reason sir is why I take such issue with your speech. Why would you aid ISIS in making their clearly terrorist agenda appear to be a religious one? This has nothing to do with Christians or Muslims, Jews or Buddhists, or any other religion. Sir this has to do with human beings being taken, tortured and killed and they need to be stopped. We have defended so many others sir. In this cause you would be defending humans period, Americans, Jordanians, Japanese....humans. Why are you spending time stirring up strife between the faiths in our country rather than getting off your haunches and doing something?
Sincerely,
A Grieving Mother
I only just had the opportunity to watch your speech at the National Prayer Breakfast and as an American and Christian I'm greatly upset. Mr. President while I whole heartedly agree with you that we should all be respectful of each others right to believe however they choose. I know there are good people of most every faith. As a matter of fact ISIS beheaded a young Islamic man from here in Indiana! This reason sir is why I take such issue with your speech. Why would you aid ISIS in making their clearly terrorist agenda appear to be a religious one? This has nothing to do with Christians or Muslims, Jews or Buddhists, or any other religion. Sir this has to do with human beings being taken, tortured and killed and they need to be stopped. We have defended so many others sir. In this cause you would be defending humans period, Americans, Jordanians, Japanese....humans. Why are you spending time stirring up strife between the faiths in our country rather than getting off your haunches and doing something?
Sincerely,
A Grieving Mother
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
THE GRIEVING PARENT
This past weekend was the third anniversary of the day that turned my world upside down and inside out. Since then my life has been a living nightmare, never to be the same.
Three years ago on January 30th we found my first born and only son lying dead on his bed. The cause of his death? I truthfully don't know because his autopsy was so completely and utterly botched up. Just to touch on showing you how botched up, in the description of my beautiful blue eyed blond haired son the man who performed it said he had brown hair and brown eyes and was wearing clothes he didn't even have! I'm not going any further here into that but, yes it is enough to leave us not knowing precisely how/why this handsome, once strong strapping health conscious 20 year old athlete was no longer part of our world!
MY BABY who I carried for 9 months, fought horrible morning sickness, went through hyper-labor to deliver, spent months of colic, loved, nurtured, taught, sat up with through illness and heartbreak, chauffeured to endless sports practices and games as well as academic events, encouraged, guided, and was taught a few things as well...this brilliant little person who's life I was part of from conception as he grew into an amazing young man I was so very proud of, loved by so many because he loved so many unconditionally. As a parent I don't believe it is the schools or government's job nor anybody else's place to ultimately teach a child. When it comes down to it, that responsibility lies with the parent. It's always irked me to see people having children only to put them in daycare from the time they are babies for 8+ hours a day then they move on to having schools be their babysitters. Why do people have children if they aren't going to raise them? To me it seems that their children are simply a trophy piece or ...well a "thing". No parent is perfect and Lord knows I am far from perfect but I did and do take my role very seriously. I love my children with every fiber of my being and believe my greatest priority is to give them the biggest, strongest best wings possible to fly when they leave the nest. Andy grabbed and understood all of those lessons. Many he "got" far better than even I did. I am humbled by my children. I don't say that with arrogance or ego I say that to their testimony. It's they're accomplishment not mine. I never had to force either of my children into anything. No it is I who is the blessed one and that horrible night God took a angel He had placed here on Earth who I had lived with for 21 years (counting pregnancy and he was just shy of his 21rst birthday) home...WHY!?
I've heard so many cold thoughtless remarks. I'm sure MOST were well meaning but think about them...
"You still have Caitlyn" Yes thank God I have Caitlyn! She is my angel baby. But okay..which child would YOU choose to die? Come on now! Still having one child no matter how amazing, beautiful and wonderful does not in any way take away the pain of losing another. This is a thoughtless remark. I hurt for Caitlyn! She lost her brother! It's not just me I have to worry about. I worry about her. I worry about her worrying about me. I have to watch her try and hide her pain. I have to know she is going to grow up without her brother to lean on, laugh with and just generally be there for her. They teased each other but I never once saw those two fight. Not once. I know she is missing him. Easier? I wouldn't say easier. Just ever more grateful for her. Yes she is my light in this darkness but please don't put that extra weight on her...she carries enough as it is.
"You should be happy he is in a better place" Well yes, I am happy he is in Heaven but really? He was just 20 years old! He had so much yet to experience HERE and we had so many years yet we expected to share together. Regardless of where he is I miss him. There is a whole bigger than you can possibly imagine unless you have lost a child yourself...memories and dreams of what were supposed to be, things he wanted to do, things WE wanted to do. I will never see my son watch his bride walk down the isle to meet him. I will never hold his babies in my arms, never see him graduate college or know what he could accomplish. Let alone the little things you take for granted..his laugh, his voice, all the discussions we used to have, hearing him say "I love you mom" even our petty arguments! I'd give anything to sit down to his favorite meal with him again, watch him anxiously open his Christmas presents, hear his laugh, see him give me that "look". Those will never happen again...never in this lifetime. Happy he's in a better place? Hmmm...well, maybe I'm just not as strong of a Christian as you are? Thank God, God understands!
I've been told that by talking about him (even when he had been gone just a year!) that I'm having a pitty party and making his death all about me. Really? Do you understand Mourning? First of all I can only assume that these people are not Christians who said this. I thought they were but the Bible tells us "Mourn with those who mourn..." and if they have read their Bible...well in the Bible they mourn much more ummm...dramatically for lack of a better word? Tearing at their clothes, waling, covering themselves in ashes and those around them are expected to come sit with them, care for them until such time that they can once again care for themselves. Should you be saying "Yeah but it's time to move on..." read on ...when it comes to the death of a child there is no set time for grieving even Biblically...it says only vague things implying for a very long time. Socially historically there has never until our time been an expectation of grieving parents to "get over it". Our society has become cold and lacking in compassion.
Then there are those who try to commiserate. They try to understand by relating the loss of their relative, friend or ..beloved pet. This is one of the toughest, for me at least because I've been in their shoes. I know their loss is painful but compared to losing a child it's quite honestly an insult. How does a parent respond to this? It fills the grieving parent with such anger. I speak not only from experience but from hearing others experience as well. But I do know these people mean well. These are not ill intentioned people. So to these people I gently plead...as painful as your loss is, multiply it by infinity. Time WILL heal your pain. I promise you that. I've been there. If it's fresh you may not believe that now but it will. In time you will be able to recall your beloved with only fond memories and little pain. Ask a Grieving Mother 20 years after her loss and I guarantee she still aches, still cries probably at that point in private but she still feels that loss as if it were yesterday. Time does not heal the loss of a child...only death and being reunited with our child will end our agony.
For sake of space I will end this with what I consider the worst...SILENCE. Those who think that it's best not to speak of them. There is nothing worse than watching life go on as if your baby never existed. Especially those who try and force the grieving parent to be silent as well! I personally faced that this year. Only one of my family members bothered to say a word to me about my son and a couple of his friends. My husband and daughter and I remembered him alone, feeling as if he had been completely forgotten by the rest of the world. We went to the cemetery and each released a single balloon after recalling a fond memory of him and watched them as they drifted off to Heaven...out of sight. Then we went out to eat...my husband and I both made a point to have steak because he would have loved to have steak. It was one of his favorite foods. Worse yet I logged on to my Facebook to look at pictures I had posted of him and not only had none of my family said anything to any of us, they had not commented, "liked" any pictures of him ..but they were posting pictures and comments about what a great time they were having. They were "rejoicing" during our mourning. Talk about a slap in the face. They couldn't have kicked us harder when we were down. And it seems they think this is our problem. So be it. To me this is more than lack of compassion, this is intentional bullying. Yet this happens all to often to many Grieving Parents. So many families and friendships fall apart when a child dies. Is it really so hard to grasp the depth of the pain a family /parent would be experiencing? I realize your life wouldn't be put on hold but is it so hard to take a few moments out of your happy life to stop and let your friend or family member grieve and to tell them "Hey I'm here for you. I'm thinking of you and praying for you." at very least? or even just click a "like" button on their child's picture? There was no mistaking what day it was. We grieve openly and we don't let him slip away into the silence. If you have a grieving parent/family in your life, while it might seem painful for them to hear their child's name it's even more painful for them not to. If you want them to be able to gradually get back involved in "life" then bring their child with them by doing things like having their picture with a lit candle set up in their memory during family get-togethers, help them set aside special days in special ways to remember their child. PARTICIPATE IN REMEMBERING THEIR CHILD WITH THEM. This will help them tremendously. Silence...that's a killer for a grieving parent.
Three years ago on January 30th we found my first born and only son lying dead on his bed. The cause of his death? I truthfully don't know because his autopsy was so completely and utterly botched up. Just to touch on showing you how botched up, in the description of my beautiful blue eyed blond haired son the man who performed it said he had brown hair and brown eyes and was wearing clothes he didn't even have! I'm not going any further here into that but, yes it is enough to leave us not knowing precisely how/why this handsome, once strong strapping health conscious 20 year old athlete was no longer part of our world!
MY BABY who I carried for 9 months, fought horrible morning sickness, went through hyper-labor to deliver, spent months of colic, loved, nurtured, taught, sat up with through illness and heartbreak, chauffeured to endless sports practices and games as well as academic events, encouraged, guided, and was taught a few things as well...this brilliant little person who's life I was part of from conception as he grew into an amazing young man I was so very proud of, loved by so many because he loved so many unconditionally. As a parent I don't believe it is the schools or government's job nor anybody else's place to ultimately teach a child. When it comes down to it, that responsibility lies with the parent. It's always irked me to see people having children only to put them in daycare from the time they are babies for 8+ hours a day then they move on to having schools be their babysitters. Why do people have children if they aren't going to raise them? To me it seems that their children are simply a trophy piece or ...well a "thing". No parent is perfect and Lord knows I am far from perfect but I did and do take my role very seriously. I love my children with every fiber of my being and believe my greatest priority is to give them the biggest, strongest best wings possible to fly when they leave the nest. Andy grabbed and understood all of those lessons. Many he "got" far better than even I did. I am humbled by my children. I don't say that with arrogance or ego I say that to their testimony. It's they're accomplishment not mine. I never had to force either of my children into anything. No it is I who is the blessed one and that horrible night God took a angel He had placed here on Earth who I had lived with for 21 years (counting pregnancy and he was just shy of his 21rst birthday) home...WHY!?
I've heard so many cold thoughtless remarks. I'm sure MOST were well meaning but think about them...
"You still have Caitlyn" Yes thank God I have Caitlyn! She is my angel baby. But okay..which child would YOU choose to die? Come on now! Still having one child no matter how amazing, beautiful and wonderful does not in any way take away the pain of losing another. This is a thoughtless remark. I hurt for Caitlyn! She lost her brother! It's not just me I have to worry about. I worry about her. I worry about her worrying about me. I have to watch her try and hide her pain. I have to know she is going to grow up without her brother to lean on, laugh with and just generally be there for her. They teased each other but I never once saw those two fight. Not once. I know she is missing him. Easier? I wouldn't say easier. Just ever more grateful for her. Yes she is my light in this darkness but please don't put that extra weight on her...she carries enough as it is.
"You should be happy he is in a better place" Well yes, I am happy he is in Heaven but really? He was just 20 years old! He had so much yet to experience HERE and we had so many years yet we expected to share together. Regardless of where he is I miss him. There is a whole bigger than you can possibly imagine unless you have lost a child yourself...memories and dreams of what were supposed to be, things he wanted to do, things WE wanted to do. I will never see my son watch his bride walk down the isle to meet him. I will never hold his babies in my arms, never see him graduate college or know what he could accomplish. Let alone the little things you take for granted..his laugh, his voice, all the discussions we used to have, hearing him say "I love you mom" even our petty arguments! I'd give anything to sit down to his favorite meal with him again, watch him anxiously open his Christmas presents, hear his laugh, see him give me that "look". Those will never happen again...never in this lifetime. Happy he's in a better place? Hmmm...well, maybe I'm just not as strong of a Christian as you are? Thank God, God understands!
I've been told that by talking about him (even when he had been gone just a year!) that I'm having a pitty party and making his death all about me. Really? Do you understand Mourning? First of all I can only assume that these people are not Christians who said this. I thought they were but the Bible tells us "Mourn with those who mourn..." and if they have read their Bible...well in the Bible they mourn much more ummm...dramatically for lack of a better word? Tearing at their clothes, waling, covering themselves in ashes and those around them are expected to come sit with them, care for them until such time that they can once again care for themselves. Should you be saying "Yeah but it's time to move on..." read on ...when it comes to the death of a child there is no set time for grieving even Biblically...it says only vague things implying for a very long time. Socially historically there has never until our time been an expectation of grieving parents to "get over it". Our society has become cold and lacking in compassion.
Then there are those who try to commiserate. They try to understand by relating the loss of their relative, friend or ..beloved pet. This is one of the toughest, for me at least because I've been in their shoes. I know their loss is painful but compared to losing a child it's quite honestly an insult. How does a parent respond to this? It fills the grieving parent with such anger. I speak not only from experience but from hearing others experience as well. But I do know these people mean well. These are not ill intentioned people. So to these people I gently plead...as painful as your loss is, multiply it by infinity. Time WILL heal your pain. I promise you that. I've been there. If it's fresh you may not believe that now but it will. In time you will be able to recall your beloved with only fond memories and little pain. Ask a Grieving Mother 20 years after her loss and I guarantee she still aches, still cries probably at that point in private but she still feels that loss as if it were yesterday. Time does not heal the loss of a child...only death and being reunited with our child will end our agony.
For sake of space I will end this with what I consider the worst...SILENCE. Those who think that it's best not to speak of them. There is nothing worse than watching life go on as if your baby never existed. Especially those who try and force the grieving parent to be silent as well! I personally faced that this year. Only one of my family members bothered to say a word to me about my son and a couple of his friends. My husband and daughter and I remembered him alone, feeling as if he had been completely forgotten by the rest of the world. We went to the cemetery and each released a single balloon after recalling a fond memory of him and watched them as they drifted off to Heaven...out of sight. Then we went out to eat...my husband and I both made a point to have steak because he would have loved to have steak. It was one of his favorite foods. Worse yet I logged on to my Facebook to look at pictures I had posted of him and not only had none of my family said anything to any of us, they had not commented, "liked" any pictures of him ..but they were posting pictures and comments about what a great time they were having. They were "rejoicing" during our mourning. Talk about a slap in the face. They couldn't have kicked us harder when we were down. And it seems they think this is our problem. So be it. To me this is more than lack of compassion, this is intentional bullying. Yet this happens all to often to many Grieving Parents. So many families and friendships fall apart when a child dies. Is it really so hard to grasp the depth of the pain a family /parent would be experiencing? I realize your life wouldn't be put on hold but is it so hard to take a few moments out of your happy life to stop and let your friend or family member grieve and to tell them "Hey I'm here for you. I'm thinking of you and praying for you." at very least? or even just click a "like" button on their child's picture? There was no mistaking what day it was. We grieve openly and we don't let him slip away into the silence. If you have a grieving parent/family in your life, while it might seem painful for them to hear their child's name it's even more painful for them not to. If you want them to be able to gradually get back involved in "life" then bring their child with them by doing things like having their picture with a lit candle set up in their memory during family get-togethers, help them set aside special days in special ways to remember their child. PARTICIPATE IN REMEMBERING THEIR CHILD WITH THEM. This will help them tremendously. Silence...that's a killer for a grieving parent.
Monday, January 19, 2015
BEAUTIFUL LOVE
A tiny bundle
Pure swaddled joy
Can't help but love you
You are beautiful, my baby boy
A curious toddler
Full of want to know
Simply put, it was amazing
To watch you grow!
You're beautiful my little boy
I love you you know!
Time flew by
The years too quickly passed
SLOW DOWN! YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST!
Baseball, and football
Oh and all night Xbox Wars
Bonfires and crazy times
Who could ask for more?
I never in a thousand years thought
I would, it would be me
Because you left too soon
So much still to do and see!
My beautiful son
My angel above
Now what do I do?
When you still hold my love?
IT IS WHAT IT IS
In a conversation today about Andy someone said to me that they don't talk about him much because they don't want people thinking they are having a pitty party. This really bothers me on many levels. One, I felt like a finger was being pointed, implying that by speaking of Andy often I am having a pitty party, I felt defensive. By speaking of him I'm keeping him alive. Then I thought, whether it be about me or themselves it's sad that we can't just do what comforts us without someone else telling us for whatever reason that it's inappropriate? What is so inappropriate about speaking of a loved one passed? What is self pittying about speaking of them and missing them?
I believe it's yet one step further away God that our society is taking is all. The Bible says to mourn with those who mourn. Biblically they mourned with a passion that by todays standards would have been considered certifiable. They tore at their clothing, the wore sackcloth and rubbed ashes on themselves, they wailed loudly, people came and stayed with the family for weeks cooking and cleaning and....mourning with them. "Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted" The Bible does tell us to go and be with those who are facing a death of a loved one. It tells us to be there for them literally. At no place does it tell us "But you should be over it and move on within 3 weeks or 2 years or ...whatever" It tells us some time periods that were observed in different areas by different groups for different people or civilizations. I will note that when it speaks of parents mourning it says things such as "He mourned for his son FOR MANY DAYS" and things such as that...basically for a very long time...but not a set period. God knows a parent never "gets over it".
In the Bible "mourning" is depicted as a GOOD thing that shows our love for another..or in some cases for God Himself.
I will pose the question-what's wrong with mourning and all that involves for us personally for as long as it takes? Do these people realize that there is no getting around it? True mourning has phases, phases that must be experienced , sometimes multiple times. Matthew 2:18 Uses the example of a mother mourning for her children "refusing to be comforted" was Rachel having a "pitty party"? It seems God expects that a grieving mother/parent will be inconsolable for "a very long time" yet our society sets time frames and finds it selfish, go figure. I'll say it again, it's just another example of how far we are growing away from God. Yet another thing that makes expressing "relationship" taboo.
Out society today doesn't allow any appropriate time for mourning in my opinion. By the time a family finishes with all the "business" of burying a loved one their "socially acceptable" grieving time is up...time to return to work and pretend everything is back to normal. Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?
Flash your money! Flash your Bling! Flash your fancy clothes, your jewelry, your nice housesm cars etc...flash your THINGS but hide your God given emotions. Hide how you feel about and for one another. Hide your love and while working hard for those things is fine working hard to show compassion, caring and comfort is ...just too time consuming. REALLY? And if you tell me "That's not what was meant.." Then please, do tell! What was meant? We have the scientific data, we have the Bible's words....and then we have todays societies standards which by all means, seem to be pulled from somebody's rear end it clashes with the first two so badly.
More on this later....
I believe it's yet one step further away God that our society is taking is all. The Bible says to mourn with those who mourn. Biblically they mourned with a passion that by todays standards would have been considered certifiable. They tore at their clothing, the wore sackcloth and rubbed ashes on themselves, they wailed loudly, people came and stayed with the family for weeks cooking and cleaning and....mourning with them. "Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted" The Bible does tell us to go and be with those who are facing a death of a loved one. It tells us to be there for them literally. At no place does it tell us "But you should be over it and move on within 3 weeks or 2 years or ...whatever" It tells us some time periods that were observed in different areas by different groups for different people or civilizations. I will note that when it speaks of parents mourning it says things such as "He mourned for his son FOR MANY DAYS" and things such as that...basically for a very long time...but not a set period. God knows a parent never "gets over it".
In the Bible "mourning" is depicted as a GOOD thing that shows our love for another..or in some cases for God Himself.
I will pose the question-what's wrong with mourning and all that involves for us personally for as long as it takes? Do these people realize that there is no getting around it? True mourning has phases, phases that must be experienced , sometimes multiple times. Matthew 2:18 Uses the example of a mother mourning for her children "refusing to be comforted" was Rachel having a "pitty party"? It seems God expects that a grieving mother/parent will be inconsolable for "a very long time" yet our society sets time frames and finds it selfish, go figure. I'll say it again, it's just another example of how far we are growing away from God. Yet another thing that makes expressing "relationship" taboo.
Out society today doesn't allow any appropriate time for mourning in my opinion. By the time a family finishes with all the "business" of burying a loved one their "socially acceptable" grieving time is up...time to return to work and pretend everything is back to normal. Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?
Flash your money! Flash your Bling! Flash your fancy clothes, your jewelry, your nice housesm cars etc...flash your THINGS but hide your God given emotions. Hide how you feel about and for one another. Hide your love and while working hard for those things is fine working hard to show compassion, caring and comfort is ...just too time consuming. REALLY? And if you tell me "That's not what was meant.." Then please, do tell! What was meant? We have the scientific data, we have the Bible's words....and then we have todays societies standards which by all means, seem to be pulled from somebody's rear end it clashes with the first two so badly.
More on this later....
Sunday, January 11, 2015
What's the point?
Hello Son! How was your day? It's so good to hear your voice! Will you and the family be able to stay for long? I hope so I've missed you all so much. Wow Jr is growing up so fast! He's really got your eyes and I can't believe the baby is crawling already, my Lord how time does fly! I bought some steaks for the grill tonight. Tomorrow how does pizza sound? Oh, not for you! Sorry, we thought we'd take the kids and let you take the wife out on the town. We don't get to see them nearly enough and, well I'm sure you two would love some time alone yes? Yes, Caitlyn and her husband will be in sometime this evening. He had to work late. Maybe the 4 of you could do something together tomorrow! She really should get out, she's not going to have that chance for a while once the baby comes. I know! Next Christmas is going to really be something isn't it! With all the little one's running around! :) Oh! I forgot! JT and Mia are coming for New Years! I thought we'd all go to Capt. Jacks for dinner then to the Pier for the festivities. Then I talked to Molly two houses down. As long as one of us can drive them back, she and her best friend will watch the kids after the beach ball drop. They can stay all night if needed and the kids love them.
So what's this big news you've been going on and on about? Why do I have to wait til Cat gets here?! You're really enjoying torturing me aren't you! lol (later) WHAT! The two of you are starting a business together here! Does that mean I'll have all my family together in the same place!? Both my children working together!? When did this happen? Do you need any help getting started? It sounds like you've been planning this for a while? How did you all keep this quiet! I'm so happy! When will all of you actually be moving here? I know it will be successful, when the four of you put your heads together it's always successful...
WHO'S EXPECTING AGAIN!!!???
Dreams..
For the most part, although embellished lol, the above is what and why a "normal" person looks forward to the holidays. Time with their kids, their family and all that comes with that. What I'd give to see his face and hear his voice again. Just to have everyday conversation with him and watch him interact with his sister and close friends. See where life would have taken him. I'd be extremely excited about the Holidays too if they went like the above! Shoot it doesn't have to be a holiday...any old day/weekend...I miss my son. I miss having my family whole. I miss days like today when he'd be in here already with his Colts Jersey on ready for some football...let the SMACK begin...first game-two good friends, opposite sides. In this house though it's chili and the second game that we are most interested in. Others would likely start pouring in to eat and watch with us. Now half of those guys, his football brothers and best friends then don't speak to each other and I barely ever hear from many of them. Many I have not heard from since his passing. Could one young man have such a huge impact on so many lives? And yet so many just forget about him in just a mere three years? Of course I don't expect others to put their lives on hold or to be as crushed as me but it seems as if he's been completely forgotten by 98% of those who he loved completely and gave so freely too. Is this what happens? Is this why we have relationships? And if someone who loved as strongly as Andy can be so quickly left in the past what about the rest of us? Wow...I'll be lucky to have anyone even attend my funeral! They say we live on in the hearts and memories of those who love us. So many times I've asked for those who loved him to share their memories and few if any have spoke up Is this how little our lives mean?
So what's this big news you've been going on and on about? Why do I have to wait til Cat gets here?! You're really enjoying torturing me aren't you! lol (later) WHAT! The two of you are starting a business together here! Does that mean I'll have all my family together in the same place!? Both my children working together!? When did this happen? Do you need any help getting started? It sounds like you've been planning this for a while? How did you all keep this quiet! I'm so happy! When will all of you actually be moving here? I know it will be successful, when the four of you put your heads together it's always successful...
WHO'S EXPECTING AGAIN!!!???
Dreams..
For the most part, although embellished lol, the above is what and why a "normal" person looks forward to the holidays. Time with their kids, their family and all that comes with that. What I'd give to see his face and hear his voice again. Just to have everyday conversation with him and watch him interact with his sister and close friends. See where life would have taken him. I'd be extremely excited about the Holidays too if they went like the above! Shoot it doesn't have to be a holiday...any old day/weekend...I miss my son. I miss having my family whole. I miss days like today when he'd be in here already with his Colts Jersey on ready for some football...let the SMACK begin...first game-two good friends, opposite sides. In this house though it's chili and the second game that we are most interested in. Others would likely start pouring in to eat and watch with us. Now half of those guys, his football brothers and best friends then don't speak to each other and I barely ever hear from many of them. Many I have not heard from since his passing. Could one young man have such a huge impact on so many lives? And yet so many just forget about him in just a mere three years? Of course I don't expect others to put their lives on hold or to be as crushed as me but it seems as if he's been completely forgotten by 98% of those who he loved completely and gave so freely too. Is this what happens? Is this why we have relationships? And if someone who loved as strongly as Andy can be so quickly left in the past what about the rest of us? Wow...I'll be lucky to have anyone even attend my funeral! They say we live on in the hearts and memories of those who love us. So many times I've asked for those who loved him to share their memories and few if any have spoke up Is this how little our lives mean?
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Music Heals
Westlife - I'll See You Again [Where We Are Tour …: http://youtu.be/G57JH_Sk9Ws
Sometimes I hear a song that just sings to my heart. Music has a way of helping the healing process. I say this not just from experience, but it is a proven fact. So if you need to let it all out or you need some encouragement to keep pushing forward try putting on some music. Even better, sing along! You might just be surprised!
God bless and comfort you...
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